laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
