he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Randomize
