Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
