I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
