Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
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