Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Randomize
