And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Randomize
