Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
