one two three fourrrrnication!
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
