I need to stop coming to work sober
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Randomize
