i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
