see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Randomize