I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
Randomize
