I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
