i can't believe i had my finger in that
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
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