Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
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