Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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