Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
