Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Randomize
