My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
Slut skills are useful in every country.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Randomize
