I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Randomize
