I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Randomize