i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
Randomize
