Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
