no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize