Your tits are I can't wait for
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
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