I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize