Your face is a jimmy john
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
