the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Randomize
