i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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