I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
Randomize
