do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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