Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
