I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
