In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Randomize
