are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
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