My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
