So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
BRING THE BAGELS
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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