if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
Randomize
