Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Randomize
