MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
