I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Randomize
