just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
