I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Use "feeling words"
Yay
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Randomize
