I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
My brain says no but my pants say off.
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize