I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
