HIV tests are more positive than that guy
Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
