He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
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