She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
