kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
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