She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
