DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
