One girl and one boy is just not enough.
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
