Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
You're like the curious george of whores
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
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