This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Randomize