Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
