So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Randomize
