Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize
