Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
