I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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