I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
Randomize
