i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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