Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
