I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Your cock deserves a montage
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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