The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
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