and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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