yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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