The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize