He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
